We all fall short.

Well, I completely failed at my ambitious goal for the day (see previous blog from yesterday). I woke up, and for about three and a half minutes I felt awesome. Then I realized the stress I've been under has worked its way into a knot (to put it kindly) in my right shoulder/neck/head/back area. I looked like the hunchback. That set my morning into slow-down mode, which meant I ran behind schedule simply because I couldn't move as fast as normal due to pain. Anxiety set in about eighteen minutes after being awake, realizing what was likely to await me at school. This grew over the course of my getting ready and driving to work.

I sat in my car for a good four minutes in the parking lot before braving the building. The morning went as I had feared. There were looks from coworkers, side conversations happening behind closed doors, and then the final professional conversation I attempted to have (with the coworker who was not at the meeting Friday) left me wanting to punch a wall (or a person).

Anyone who knows me well knows I have a short fuse. I have worked hard most of my adult life to keep my temper under control, but I am one who is regularly challenged by what is written in James 1:19-20...  

^"19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."

I know that my quickness to anger doesn't lead to God's glory being revealed. Every single day I am challenged by these verses to keep myself in check, to be quick to listen - to truly hear others - and slow to react.

Today, I failed this challenge miserably. While I didn't lash out verbally in the ways I have in the past, I found myself lashing out mentally and within the safety of the presence of trusted people. My heart was hardened and bitter, and I was far from bringing glory to God today.

Reflecting back on this, I see how God is directing me to work on this area of my life. You see, God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows us so well, that He knows how we are going to react before we do. I'm starting to realize this stressful situation at work is an opportunity to improve my walk with the Lord. God is giving me the opportunity daily (really more like hourly) to choose to do the right thing. He is giving me interactions that will provide me the choice of one of two reactions - live out James 1:19-20 and be a witness and an example of Christ, or don't and fall into the trap of the world that causes more pain.

Today I chose the latter. Tomorrow, I hope to say I choose the former, and I will wake up with the intent of doing so. And while I know that we all fall short of perfection, I also know that God is doing a good work in me, and He has promised to see that good work through to the end. This means there's hope for me yet.

Praise Jesus that I am a work in progress and that His mercies are new each day.